Tony LaRussa believes that Mark McGwire’s voluntary renunciation of a $30 million guaranteed contract is a sign of “integrity.” Big Mac’s body had left him unable to perform under the contract. LaRussa somehow believes this is a demonstration of integrity even if/though the reason McGwire’s body was breaking down was because of his alleged steroid use.
Following LaRussa ‘s logic, I’m nominating the following people for Newsburglar Integrity Awards:
1919 White Sox: What could possibly be a greater sign of integrity and good will towards your fellow man than to let them win the game?
Tanya Harding: After Nancy Kerrigan was attacked, Harding bravely continued on to Lillehammer. While there, her every move was shadowed by Connie Chung. While you or I might have taken the Chungster out behind the Norwegian woodshed, Harding restrained herself.
Diego Maradona: Some view Maradona’s “Hand of God” goal as a blatant example of cheating. Subsequent investigation has simply revealed that Diego mistook the soccer ball for a giant 8-ball of cocaine and he was merely trying to keep it out of the hands of some nearby children.
Ben Johnson: Johnson was stripped of his 1988 gold medal in the 100 meter dash after he tested positive for Stanozolol. Never made public before now was the reason why Johnson took the performance enhancing substance: Carl Lewis had informed him that if he won the Hundred he was going to retire to pursue a singing career. Johnson was only doing his civic duty to prevent that from happening.
You: Yeah, that’s right, you. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Start. Some might say you’re a cheater. That you used Bill and Lance in the same way that Russian Generals threw ordinary Russians at the Wermacht. That with continues, you and a buddy might go through 179 lives without showing any remorse.
I say, who else could have stopped the evil Red Falcon?