They say you get the politicians you deserve. But what if we got the President we wanted? Who would you vote for?
Air Force One
President: James Marshall (Harrison Ford)
Vice President: Kathryn Bennett (Glenn Close)
U.S. Senator from California, 1993-1997, Vice President, 1997-
First Term: Kazakh hijackers seize the plane carrying the President but, predictably, are no match for Indiana Jones.
Platform:
There is no doubt that James Marshall is a can-do President who will never give in to terrorism and will do anything to save his family. An obviously quick thinker, Marshall handles crisis with aplomb.
Weaknesses
In many ways, however, both Marshall and Vice President Bennett triumph in spite of the decisions they make not because of them. Marshall’s decision to remain on board Air Force One, while great for the plot of the movie, was arguably not in the best interests of the United States.
VP Bennett is steadfastly loyal to President Marshall throughout the hijacking incident. Perhaps too loyal? The Cabinet unanimously votes to have her invoke the 25th amendment and assume the Presidency. She doesn’t do it.
Attack Most Likely to Resonate With Voters: Marshall’s personal heroics in defense of his family are no substitute for making his presidential duties his first priority. General Radek will be Marshall’s Willy Horton.
Independence Day
President: Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman)
Vice President: Unknown. President Whitmore’s Vice President has presumably been killed after he/she has relocated to NORAD in anticipation of the alien attack.
First Term: A giant space armada with designs on destroying earth and consuming its resources appears in the sky. Most major cities in the world have been destroyed. President Thomas J. Whitmore leads a rag-tag fleet of survivors in a triumphant counter-attack using American ingenuity. No longer consumed by their petty differences, all of mankind has been united.
Platform: Just give a strong speech and hope that no one notices you don’t have an agenda.
Weaknesses
Does America need a fighter pilot for President at a time when hundreds of millions, maybe billions, are dead and every major city on earth is destroyed.
President Bush evacuated New Orleans faster than Whitmore evacuated the nation’s major cities.
Is Whitmore a Democrat or a Republican? With every major urban area of the country destroyed, whoever is elected is likely to be dealing with a 434-1 Republican majority in the House.
Attack Most Likely to Resonate With Voters: Is President Whitmore patriotic enough to be President? Without Congressional approval he made the Fourth of July an international holiday.
Dave
President: William (Bill) Harrison Mitchell (Kevin Kline)
Vice President: Gary Nance
First Term: Every SNL Presidential skit for the last thirty years, only the fill-in is competent and a good guy.
Dave, aka the Fake Bill Mitchell, shakes up government in his short time in office and became an exceptionally popular president. A bit of a show-boat, he used the Mitchell Administration’s 100th cabinet meeting to “cut the budg” by $656 million from.
Platform: “Finding a job for every American who wants one.” Until the last month when the federal government nationalized the entire banking industry, this would be a drag on his campaign. Now,it might be the harbinger of things to come.
Weaknesses
Dave’s domestic agenda is certainly stronger than the other two candidates. If only it weren’t for that whole “fraudulent assumption of the Office of President of the United States” thing. Dave might need the current President to pardon him before he can run for office.
Attack Most Likely to Resonate With Voters: Has Dave ever heard of the Constitution?
Attack Next Most Likely to Resonate With Voters: Sarah Palin has more experience than Dave.
Oh, and Did I Mention? He’s a Socialist?
Pretend like you live in Chicago. Vote early and often…