Breaking News from the Good Blimp Messersmith. More as news develops.
FATMURPHISTAN. Chins 3-5 launched a coup d’etat in Fatmurphistan on Sunday, local relief agency officials in the capital city of Mutt said Monday, calling the attempted overthrow “disturbing but not unexpected news”.
Government officials were quick to downplay the incident as a “low level disagreement” between several disaffected chins in Fatmurphistan that are looking for more concessions related to calorie intake and cholesterol.
“Importantly, Chins 1 and 2, not to mention Chins 6-9, have not joined the rebellious body tissue” the state-run media organization, Gristle, reported. Relief agency officials said that the disagreement stemmed from the improper allocation of saturated fats within Fatmurphistan. They said that the recent division of fatty insoluble acids ingested over the recent holiday season in Fatmurphistan once again favored the southern areas of Flabgut and Pudgeass. Rebel supporters from Chins 3-5 stated that “such blatant favoritism will not be tolerated.”
Fatmurphistan is a country rich in grease and lipids and the allocation of such fats within the country are a constant source of conflict. “Fatmurphistan literally has digested hundreds of pounds of fat over the last 24 months” said one rebel Chin 4 leader, “and while all portions of Fatmurphistan have grown during such time period, Chins 3-5 have not grown at the same pace as the other Chins or Flabgut and Pudgeass.” Rebel leaders believe such growth disparity is clearly the result of discriminatory fat allocation by officials in the capital city of Mutt.
This most recent coup attempt follows on the heels of uprisings in the Summer of 2007 in the province of Freckleburg who sought to join together and overtake the government of Fatmurphistan. At that time, government officials in Mutt called the flare-ups “just a few aggressive freckles who think they can take over Fatmurphistan”. The Freckleburg Rebels, as they call themselves, have said that they will return in the summer of 2008.